Late Night Editing

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In Response.....

I saw the clip above and I am really disturbed by its popularity among women. I want to scream… “Cut the crap!!!” but instead here is what I think:

I think advertising is art. Women are beautiful and using women in ads just celebrates their beauty

In a culture where so many claim to be feminists why are we portraying the woman as weak and easily influenced. I think it’s an insult to my intelligence to tell me that the media dictates what I consider beautiful. Really as an educated woman don’t you think I know enough to recognize that the women in advertising are but a small percentage?

Damn it there are women who look like this. I’ve seen them walking around. … my point here is … what do you consider beautiful ?  By boycotting Victoria secrets models don’t we create a reverse prejudice? Is it me or does this article scream, hate every woman that I think looks better than I do?

When did skinny become synonymous with being unhealthy? I don’t assume that if you’re slightly overweight that you’re seconds away from croaking.

 There isn’t a photoshopped picture in the world that can keep my away from my pork chops

We’ve photoshopped landscapes, logos, lighting… is it that outrageous that we’ve also retouched women?

I have my favorite body part that I secretly celebrate. Is taking a picture of it and isolating it from the rest of my body dehumanizing?... since when ?

The media isn’t the problem. The problem is the lack of support at home. Fathers who don’t tell their daughters that they are beautiful. Mothers who place more emphasis on prom dresses, Easter dresses, weddings dresses  han on letting their little girls know that inner beauty is much better and easier to maintain than  what’s outside.

Anorexia seriously makes me sad but I think that it’s unfair to blame a whole epidemic on the media.

Don’t get me wrong I understand that the industry is biased and that they have certain standards as to what is considered beautiful but women aren’t empty barrels who can’t think for themselves. We do know the difference between fantasy and reality.

Beauty is subjective and that’s O.K.  because when you think about it we don’t need to conform to anybody’s perception of beauty. Especially not the media, who are they anyway?

P.S.  peep the picture below.  I hope  I see a campaign against the dehumanizing of men -_-!!

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Cake Cake Cake !!!

So I’m 25. A few days ago I found it hard to say my age when asked how old I was. I’ve always been one of those women who never understood what was the big deal with admitting your age. You’re as old as you are and that’s it… right? As always it bothered me and I sat and wondered about it all until I got the answer. I haven’t accomplished what I wanted to by 25 and saying my age is like scolding myself over and over again. But you know what, I’m thankful for my 25 years on earth because Lord knows there are too many people who didn’t make it. People I loved, people I thought I’d see forever and ever with and call me crazy but for that I feel guilty. Why did I make it and not them, don’t get me wrong I’m not complaining but I wonder. It must be because there are things I need to do here that I haven’t done. That gives me second thoughts on completing what I feel I have to do. What if I finish and a bus hits me as soon as I fulfill my purpose here. Wouldn’t it be better to just drag my feet on doing what I need to, or would I fail by default and have my life taken away anyway? I have no idea how it works or why I think I’m an oracle or something. The point is I can only guess as to what my purpose is … and try to complete what will make me proud of my 25 years on earth.. So as I work on making year 26^th year epic. I wrote a list of what makes me proud to be 25:

1.     I have love and whether we admit it or not we just want someone to care that much about us. I’m not saying we’re dependent but whether it’s our family or friends or a significant other life is much better when somebody loves us.

2.     I took me 25 years to figure out that it’s okay to be myself. Those who love me just won’t mind. I’m not completely comfortable with myself yet but I’m getting there.

3.     I’m okay with not sharing the same ideals of a group. Its hard to tell the people you love that you don’t agree with their view on life and that you don’t want to live the same way.

4.     I have half of my first fictional novel

5.     I’ve learnt to say stop

6.     I’ve learnt to walk away

7.     I’ve learnt that its okay to be wrong

8.     I’ve learnt to say … that hurts…because pretending it didn’t hurts even more

9.     I’ve learnt that loosing people in your life isn’t the end of the world it’s a plot twist, a chance to continue writing your story with a different set of characters

10. The people who want to understand you will at least try hard to

11. I have a support system that believes in me even when I want to say to hell with this

12. Man I got some amazing friends and family.

Cheers to life!

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Light Painting

I attempted to light paint. Tiana (she's writing with the light source but you can't see her) helped me out.

This last pic was taken at a photography workshop. photo shoot ideas brewing :)

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I'm leaving home again

I saw this quote that went something like this… In order to move on we have to leave something behind. It describes my struggle at the moment. I’m home briefly again and the clock is ticking till the time I leave. Here’s what, I love home and I see so much good that I can do but I know that moving on for me means leaving home behind. For me that’s painful. The memories immortalized within these walls are so vivid sometimes I feel like I’m in a lucid dream. I don’t want to leave, I don’t want to do anything but curl up and be at one with my memories of this place…but I have to move on to do the things that possibly I need to do in order to return. I know if I stay I won’t be fulfilled and I will always feel like there was something out there that I was meant to do. So I’ve decided to chase the voice that keeps calling, that tells me that my prize will be bigger if I trust in it. I’m hoping that my journey will come full circle but for now I’m leaving home again.

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Tag... You're it!

I think I’m like my father. I also pray he doesn’t read this. But sometimes I think my sense of reality and fantasy are warped into one. Its funny that my father was not very instrumental in my life but the little I know about him sometimes I feel like I’m looking into a mirror. Of  the brief time that we lived together this is what I remember. I remember that he always had these big ideas. Not impossible ideas just BIG ideas. Ideas that would actually work if given the perfect execution and then just like that he seemed easily bored with it and was on to another GREAT idea . Sweet baby Jesus tell me this is a gift and not a curse. 

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Life and times of a pork-eating Vegetarian

I love love love my veggies… and then I love pork (especially the spicy pork tenderloin from sandbar in Anguilla… that sh*t is bananas!). I’ve tried to be a vegetarian but pork thou doth tempt me. So I’ve given up and I’ve just decided to call myself the pork-loving vegetarian. Today I made some sort of basil noodles. No pork but it was good so I thought that I would share.

You will need:

Noodles/pasta (I used rice noodles but anything works)

Cherry/grape tomatoes

Broccoli

Mushrooms

Basil

Garlic

Olive Oil

Black pepper

Onion powder

Garlic powder

Salt

Prep:

Noodles:

1.     Prepare your noodles (instructions on the back of the packet)

2.     Drain excess water in a colander or something. (You can also do it Caribbean style by using the cover of the pot to trap the noodles while the water runs out)

Make your pesto:

·      In a chopper combine basil (about 3 branches or so),  1 teaspoon of salt (now I don’t put salt in anything else so really use your judgment), and 3 to 4 cloves of garlic. About a ¼ cup of olive oil (by now I guess it’s obvious that I don’t measure ) and  Put that bad boy to chop .

On a cutting board.

·      Slice tomatoes in half, chop mushrooms and broccoli. The amount of veggies that you use depends on you. I love veggies so I put in about 6 mushrooms sliced, a huge head of broccoli and about half the packet of cherry tomatoes.

Now to the cooking part:

·      Use one of those big stir fry/frying pan and place on the medium heat. Wait for the pan to get hot then drizzle some olive oil and wait for that to get hot.

·      Now throw in those veggies and stir and stir, add a dash of black pepper, some garlic powder and onion powder to taste.

·      Here I like to also throw in some of my pesto.

·      Add those noodles that were draining… toss toss

·      Then add the remaining pesto…toss toss again

Remove from heat when you think it’s done. I usually taste my mushrooms. If they are done then everything else is ready to go.

It really is simple; I Just haven’t mastered the art of giving a recipe. So in short

1.     Boil your noodles

2.     Make your pesto

3.     Chop your veggies

4.     Combine

Top with some Parmesan cheese if you want

Ps. When I use rice noodles for some reason I don’t get the veggies to mix well with the noodles. It’s almost as if the noodles cling to themselves. Feel free to shoot me a message if you can help me out with this.

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Sometimes I use my camera

It's been a while since I've seriously done  photography but I do miss it....Right now I have to admit I just dabble in it.. but  its def on my agenda to get back to seriously. When I do take up my camera here are some of the results

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I Wish I were a Whore

I got up this morning like most mornings…. Worrying… Thinking about the future…and then I mumbled, “I wish I were a whore”. Well maybe I’m being a bit dramatic here but what I mean is that sometimes I wish I possessed the ability to be carefree. I’m not talking about those forced to be whores to feed their families, pay their bills or even because of an abusive past. I’m talking about the sexually liberated because they just want to be (those Samantha Jones out there) and no let me say I’m not glamorizing shit on tv. (so all you activist out there please be quiet and listen to where I’m coming from… that is if you’re even reading this). There is a certain level of bravery that I have to admire in those who are sexually liberated. Being sexually promiscuous is dangerous (that’s a no brainer), there may be mistakes that you can’t do over, mistakes that may change your life forever but the sexually liberated go ahead anyway. This is where my admiration for whores come in … in the face of danger they still risk it to seek personal satisfaction.  How many of us have said fuck the odds I’m going to do me… not many…not me

There are many other examples out here Nadja why do you have to choose this one? Well simply because it’s the example that scares me the most.  It’s one of the most high stakes games that I’ve seen played.

 But it is true there are countless examples of this bravery. The greatest inventors, teachers, activist all exude the same kind of courageous behavior. They risk it, even with the world telling them that they won’t make it out alive. We have the examples of the gains fearlessness can bring but we sit full of fear, risking personal satisfaction.

Look at me, I’m almost 25 (though I caught the psycho in me telling somebody I was 23 smh… didn’t even catch the lie till I was driving away). I took a break before grad school to sort out my life…. Mainly to write a book I’ve been working on… and do  you know that writing this book has made me apply to grad school even faster… I’m a coward.  I’m not brave like the whores or like the great men and women who’ve made their mark on society.  I’m filled with doubt and I’ve let society tell me that I’m just wasting my time.

For instance my immediate family medical history is riddled with cancer and heart disease, I’ve gotten so scared that at times I’ve held up the sign of the cross to all fats, oils ...and anything that taste good.  According to medical opinions I’m probably doomed anyway so I should try to slow down the process. (I can’t even eat without the world’s opinion...though I do understand that it is just out of concern).

Maybe the path to freedom for me begins with baby steps… who knows…

Anyway here’s a picture of my breakfast this morning. It’s my temporary mini fuck you to genetics. A glass of red wine (at least it’s red wine) and an oily piece of warmed over pizza… I raise my glass to freedom.

Carpe Diem

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On Rotation

I want to post but truth is when I begin to write on my blog I get distracted and stray from the work I'm supposed to doing. So I try to write a blog post before or after doing work... so I'm just gonna share a few songs I keep playing to keep me through the night... Hope you guys like it too.

All in peril is not lost..every man must carry his cross(8)

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I must... I will... I have to

So I’ve finished writing a couple articles and I’m waiting for somebody to be up so that I can chain them to the chair to listen to my articles (muahahhahahaaha). Poor things, I understand that they aren’t always interested in what I write but they listen and comment anyway and I have to say that’s what you call love. (Hopefully I will be able to give them awesome Christmas gifts) …

So while I wait I thought that I’d check messages and give my blog some love. I received a facebook message from an awesome friend joking with me about taking over the world. It’s funny because my over eager nature (as always) has caused me to bite off more than I can chew. Truth is I want to be successful and take the world by storm but my attempts have been pinky and the brain-ish.

Remember that book challenge … well I did start it, but I haven’t read half as many books as I set out to … (yeah I’m not going to say how many I’ve read so far, it’s embarrassing). I somehow forgot that I am a painfully slow reader who takes a whole minute to cackle at single joke in the passage, read it over and cackle again (for another minute). Then I book mark it and re tell the story to everybody who would listen (not that they care but when I find something funny I tend to not notice the why would I care abut this expression on somebody else’s face). I’m also easily amused so you can understand how slowly I get through books.

Then I get these brilliant ideas that I MUST Add things to my schedule. Not forgetting that I have other stuff to do but somehow momentarily forgetting that there are only 24 hours in the day. Its funny how my relationship with time comes up in EVERYTHING I do because I’m so scared that I don’t get to do what I want to do …not to be morbid here … but just incase I die or just incase time somehow lets somebody else execute my idea before I do, I keep adding things to my roster…

I have to remember that …I must prioritize, I must get over my phobia of time.. I must be patient… I must accept competition and I must believe that things will work out for the best !... I must…I will.. I have to

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Perfection ?

Today before writing I did my daily blog browsing. I came across this really interesting article that hit home so much that it made me cry. I could expound on the things he says, give examples of the same thing happening in my life and that of my peers but sometimes somebody else captures it 'Perfectly'( I cringe at the use of this word, you'll see why after you read the article). So check out this post from the Blog 'Single Dad Laughing' entitled 'The disease called Perfection'. (Please read it)

http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/disease-called-perfection.html

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Am I what I hate ?

Am I what I hate?

Once I knew a man who despised the ills of the world

He couldn’t wait for change

In fact he set out to change it himself

Crying, laboring, protesting

I admired his feat, looked up to his intelligence and as always made the rookie mistake of making him my intellectual saint.

Now he’s climbing the ladders and soon he will be in the position to effect change but instead I see him becoming exactly what he hated.

It seems he doesn’t care about the poor. What he cares about is removing poverty from his own doorstep.

His hatred of the rich wasn’t the fact that in his eyes they didn’t live up to what he considered to be their moral obligations. It was hatred born out of the fact that he didn’t qualify for inclusion in any of their financial circles.

I knew another man who rallied against corruption and tyranny. Sadly I’ve never been able to hold a decent conversation with him. You see we only talk about topics that are of interest  to him  and there is never any discussion, unless he’s asking me if I understands his orders.

So my question is .... Are we what we hate?

And if so does that mean that I am what I hate?

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Scattered Thoughts

Restless Restless Restless.  This post started off with the words restless simply because I hate to read the word I at the beginning of a sentence? Though often times necessary it usually leaves the reader to guess my tone.  The word I could make me sound like a pompous little bitch reciting all my achievements or... or anybody starting a sentence with I. Reflecting on my writing is sometimes hard because I've started soo many sentences with the word I because my measly mind couldn't think up an alternate. So I pray that I channel my tone to my readers...If anything it's a self critical I...like the sentences you start with sighs to express your disappointment with yourself............

but I digress....(that bit of information will serve no purpose) Where was I?..yup I'm restless and scared, not sure how any of this will turn out. I'm the play it safe child with not so playing it safe aspirations. I've got so many things bugging me right now but I don't want to sound whiny... But  for the hell of it I want to ask the universe for :

-Pardon - for the wrong that I've done

- A clean page to start over - because suffering the consequences has never been my forte

- Reciprocity- because sometimes I wish you'd see how much I give to you

- The courage to weed out those who don't reciprocate

- The ability to weed out this restlessness that keeps me from getting to my goal faster

Scattered thoughts

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Dominica My Love

I've had many early mornings like this. I know I've spoken about my attachment to the past so many times that you would believe that I would have ran out of things to reminisce over by now . This morning I'm missing home like crazy. I'm up doing yet another work related assignment that calls on me to  look for places of interest and things to do in my homeland of  Dominica and as I go through the pictures a certain sadness comes over me.  It's not like I can't go home when  I want to or  that the landscape has changed, in fact I will have to argue that it has gotten even prettier.  As we dig deeper into the gifts that mother nature has afforded us we find even more amazing Eco-sites. But I see my country somewhat like an exceptionally  beautiful woman being  swindled by her pimps. So many men and women compliment her on her beauty,  promise her diamonds in the form of economic stability, they tell her that she has so much untapped potential and then they don't deliver. Maybe she's forgotten that she too can save herself. What does this have to do with the past? Well before I could comprehend the politics of the situation I had an untainted view of my country. I want to be able to see her from that innocent vantage point again. It's like looking at a pretty woman  and thinking gosh she must be so independent, strong, she must have it all.... but later on you find out that behind that veil of beauty lies an insecure harlot ....  Dominica my love what are we doing to you ?

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When I was a child

When I was a child I was taught to think like a child.

I’m not sure exactly what that means because I still think about the things I thought about back then. Is it that I forever remained intellectually childish while my body grew or is there nothing wrong with childish thoughts? (at least in regards to chasing your dreams)

Fast forward to today. I’m trying to get some projects that I want done off the ground. I’m pushing ideas, making notes, drafting plans and trying to gather a team and it’s funny that the biggest obstacles in all my projects are the adult minds that I have to convince. The same minds that encouraged thinking outside the box, the minds that criticize the young for NOT thinking outside the box, those who blame us for letting foreigners capitalize on our paradise. Yet I sense fear and strong opposition when I present my plans or suggestions.  I’ve been under the false pretense that the adult mind was a rational thinking vehicle that found a way to make radical ideas work. In fact the ideas that I have aren’t even that radical. I think the adult brain is a vehicle filled with fear and hesitation, risk becomes life threatening because one is aware of consequences, but when consequences stifle positive change then what’s the point?

-An apparently still childish mind (Nadja)

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Chasing dreams & shooting the breeze

I’ve been really busy chasing dreams and watching modern family episodes in between. I think I may have too many dreams though. This morning I went to bed at 6 a.m. and began to freak out. What if I do all this and never hit my target, would I look back and regret that I didn’t spend more time with my friends? mehhh…hindsight is 20/20 vision. I’m pretty sure no matter what I do I’m going to look back and think that I could have done it differently.

On a totally unrelated note something cool happened to me the other day though… well not cool but here goes… my blackberry died…I proceeded to freak out... I brought it to a repairman…. I got it back five days later and guess what, those five days were some of my most peaceful days.  It was like I went back in time. My life slowed down. To tell you the truth I was a bit sad when I got it back but hey I can’t try to chase dreams and be out of the loop right?

Before my phone died completely some of the keys stopped working and it was a pretty interesting the alternate words I had to  use because the keys wouldn’t work for the words that I wanted to use- in short it was an amusing vocabulary builder .

I’m working on a couple projects that I can’t wait to share with you guys but until they are at a stage that I can show something well yeah I will just have to wait to blab

Anyway this was just a quick blog post so that my page doesn’t get any cobwebs J .

And before I leave here’s what I currently listen to  and watch on my breaks.

1.     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLdYJG6lc5Q

2.     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDZIIp7jJ7o&feature=related

3.     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoEKWtgJQAU

4.     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jc4IloO2oy4&feature=related

Modern family episodes that are a MUST SEE!:

-       Someone to watch over lily

-       Boys night

-       The incident

-       Travels with scout

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Cooking and Not Writing

I haven’t said a lot lately. I’m not sure why. Actually I think too many things have been happening and to tell you the truth I’ve been a bit overwhelmed. Now when I’m overwhelmed instead of tackling each task one by one. I abandon all the important things and do things that totally have no priority at the moment. I also think that I may have an intense fear of successes. I have some amazing opportunities and I keep saying that I'll tackle them tomorrow. A friend of mine thinks it may be delayed gratification or something... I think I'm just full of shit. So I need to get to the root of my fear asap because I don't want to look back and regret not taking advantage.  So here’s what I’ve been busy doing trying to ignore that huge mountain of assignments that keep piling up -_- !....  COOKING :D

 Coconut Curried chicken with breadfruit salad

Beef soup using the bbq grill

Jello shots. Check out  my three tier ites, green and gold jello shot .. :D

Mango strawberry sorbet

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'Dickmatized': The state of being entranced with a penis that may be doing emotional damage

Starting today a bit late… Had way too much fun last night. Thankfully my head isn’t pounding. #WINNING!

I’ve been contemplating writing this post for months now. Actually it was supposed to be my first post but I was still feeling my audience out. I need to throw caution to the wind because this deliberate censorship is annoying even me. Anyway I was browsing the Internet when I came across something Jill Scott said.To be specific she was talking about being “Dickmatized”, basically being Dickmatized means being in a relationship or having relations with a man and its only sexually satisfying. He barely calls, he doesn’t remember your birthday, your fears, has no idea what you like… and the list goes on. I think to some extent we can all relate to this.

Now I’m always having random conversations with friends and this topic seems to be recurring.  But it’s funny because a couple days before I saw Jill Scott’s statement I was having this EXACT conversation with one of my male friends. (yeah there’s war in the world and we have detailed  conversations about penis… lol go figure).

But we were talking about it in the context of what our society has become. We’ve been falling in love with dicks instead of men and wondering why we have baby daddys and not fathers.

We scream at the top of our lungs that men are dogs, but never call that guy we had such great dates with, because the first time we slept with him wasn’t very satisfactory. Please don’t get me wrong here. Settling for less than best sex is not an option but isn’t sex something that with the right communication can improve? I’m sure nobody reading this right now was as good on their first time having sex as they are now. Great sex is something that can be mastered. Bad personalities are innate.  So why are we willing to chase men with qualities that we can’t change and discard those we actually can?

Similarly I was having a heated conversation with somebody on what I call “ breeding bitches”. You see I’m sick and tired of the female stereotype. Girls are bitches or girls can’t get along. I feel like we as females try to live up to that stereotype, so we are not as warm and open to each other but go out of our way to be one of the boys. I hear my male friends joke and complain about how it’s necessary to keep their female friends from different circles separate because apparently we behave like pit bulls in the same vicinity.

To tell you the truth these stereotypes have a lot of truth in them. But they still anger me. I’m annoyed that when I say hi to a new female I’ve been newly introduced to she rolls her eyes and barely talks back yet puts on her best self to impress the new boys around her -_-… Apparently I need a penis to make female friends.  But men condone this bitchy behavior. They witness it, know its wrong, shrug their shoulders and say “well she didn’t act like a bitch with me so it ain’t my problem”…..  I hope you say that when she takes your kids and half of your savings at your divorce hearing -_- !

 But here ends my rant…. hey, maybe these issues make the world go round.  If they didn’t exist what else would I waste time writing about?

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Early Morning Mango and a Semi-epiphany

Beats me but I had a mango craving at 3.40 in the morning and succumbed to it. It’s part of my if you feel like it and you’ve weighed your options and it’s pretty harmless go for it mentality. I told myself well it’s better than that Bostock craving I gave into this morning (side eye at myself). Giraud’s restaurant in Anguilla makes some awesome Bostock if anybody is wondering…

Anyway… I’m eating my mango and I remember this conversation with a friend of mine. He constantly says that he lives with no regrets.  He’s made bad decisions, he accepts them and moves on. Actually I’ve come across a lot of people who claim to have this mentality. So of course my I-sit-constantly- and- obsess-over-the-past-self has been trying every method possible to adopt this shit happens move on mentality and it just hasn’t been working. Some mornings I get up and go YAYE I’m over it and I don’t give a (expletive…yeah I’m not sure how I feel about cursing on my blog just yet). Then other days I get up and go man, please God let me go back in time and fix this. So this is where I had my semi epiphany… I think people who live without regrets are people who can live with the consequences of their actions. I don’t fall into that category. I can’t live with the consequences of my actions. I guess this is where I would get the everything happens for a reason speech but to tell you the truth I’m not really sure it does, so that speech has never pacified me fully. I have these mental scars and every time I see them I wince.

Let’s say you used to ride a bike and one day you looked at your protective gear and said hmmm I don’t feel like logging this around today. You go for a ride, get into an accident and you’re paralyzed for the rest of your life. Every time your nurse wipes your ass you feel like mannnn can I go back to that day and do it all again. How can you live with the consequences of something like that and think…. No regrets. I don’t see how that’s possible but maybe I just need to work on my outlook on life (which I’m starting to think may be the case).

This random example just reminded me of something my Uncle who is a doctor said. Once you’re alive everything is fine. That just made a lot of sense to me. Maybe his proximity to death has made him realize that existing on this earth is all that matters; faulty decisions and all. So maybe every time I start beating up on myself for stupid decisions I need to say… hey you in the mirror, you’re alive right?

So new on my to do list is work on how I perceive things. Top priority! I’m off to catch what’s left of my morning snooze but before I go I’m going leave this link to an article I did on three AMAZING Caribbean Poets. It really is a must see. So please. Go see.

 http://arcthemagazine.com/arc/2011/07/de-art-junket-presents-armed-with-words/

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